Spectre - Patiala Peg : Shaken, not Stirred !
...And all that hype, all that prexcitement, all those sleepless nights spent anticipating the 24th edition into the Bond franchise...Utter Heartbreak !! The beginning credits may convince you Sam Mendes as the director, but hold your horses, for Spectre is the actual brain child of 3 bollywood directors - Sooraj Bharjatya (for all the cleanliness), Sanjay Leela Bhansali (for all that mushy romance), and Karan Johar (for all that melodrama). I completely get it, that the rich Indian culture has found its way into a lot many International aspects, be it chicken tikka, the traditional attire which the firangs go ga-ga over, or yoga or even Priyanka Chopra bagging a ground breaking role in Quantico, but the least one would have expected is the amount of bollywood'ness in our latest Bond Flick !
The movie is shot in Euro myriads like Mexico, Tangier, Rome, Austria. This reminded me of the recent Mission Impossible - Rouge Nation which was also majorly shot in Austria and I'm left wondering ' Man! Austria is one helluva scandalous place to be' !
There are only a few things that hold the movie together, one of them being the beginning scene shot in Mexico where people are celebrating Day of the Dead festival. Its a marvel to watch all those people dressed in skeleton references. Even though the architecture of the city is so shabby and crammed yet all Bond was to do is walk (literally cake-walk) through multiple buildings to carry on his assassination, for all the rooftops are designed as steps. Oh please crowd, forget those adrenaline shooting scenes from Quantum and Skyfall where Bond runs-hops-lunges-flies-somersaults ...Nada...none of it much happened here, the scene comes off as too sleek even amongst all that crowded parade.
Another thing that was a hit in the movie, somehow the juvie looking Q (QuarterMaster) has swooped all the witty lines from Bond. The nerdy geek has shed all that awkwardness from Skyfall and looks more comfortable sharing intimate details of still living with 2 cats and is seen messing around with Bond with his tongue in cheek humor. Sam Smith too with his painful ballad "Writing on the Wall" does score a point or two, for it does follow its predecessors and Smith manages to keep his song soothing, enchanting, even a bit intriguing.
Rest everything is unfortunately a huge let down.
M for instance played by Ralph Fiennes is so boring and so plain-jane that I almost forgot he was playing M by the first half. I sorely missed Judy Dench, who mothered 7 Bond movies being the realistic brash boss to both Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig. We often joked among friends that "Bond has some serious mommy issues!"
The Bond Super Villain played by Christoph Waltz is quite forgettable. In comparison to DeSilva (SkyFall) or even Le-Chiffre (Casino Royale), Waltz just stalls and forgets why he is even there. I was almost put to sleep by the Bond Villain this time and I was mumbling "Say something scary Waltz, do something insane, please surprise me" and he went all Yoda on me "Too old i am, move i shall not!".
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| Christoph Waltz as Franz Oberhauser (Spectre) |
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| Javiere Bardem as DeSilva (SkyFall) |
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| Mads Mikkelsen as Le-Chiffre (Casino Royale) |
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| Mathieu Amalric as Dominic Greene (Quantum of Solace) |
The Bond girl is played by Lea Seydoux. Of all the times Bond girls have impressed me, Seydoux leaves a bitter after taste. I personally believe that only one Bond girl came as close to Bond's heart as Eva Green (Casino Royale) and there were some serious complicated exchange of emotions between both. They dint have to publish or pronounce their feelings for each other and still the audience could well assume their chemistry. In Spectre, the Bond girl takes the Bull by the horns when she utters those 3 words (I Love You) to Bond and I'm left exclaiming What? What? What?! Isn't it too soon? You barely know him! Are you bat-shit crazy?! And one cannot ever miss that almost end scene when both Bond and Bond Girl kiss and walk holding hands. I couldn't help but imagine may be they would immediately break into a dance number Yash Chopra style.
Last but not the least, our beloved Daniel Craig !! Well...let's just say that there was nothing possibly noteworthy about his role, except for the fact that he has gotten very melodramatic and i so wished i could pinch him to wake him up from his slumber. The only scene he made me fall of my seat is the tete-a-tete with an innocent tiny little rat minding its own business!
Whatever happened to our Cold Blood Brit Assassin and whoever took him, please we beg you to bring him back ! By the end of the movie all I kept uttering was this line from Inception "I'm Disappointed..."
The Only thing that's keeping me still alive (pun intended) is the fact that The Force is Awakening next month (Star Wars !!!!) and it probably will be worth all this year's let-down movies put together.
Much looking forward to you and your lens flares JJ Abrams!
Cheers.
Comments
Happy Birthday, Purple!